Day X in collective solitude during this global pandemic:
Being isolated on my own I have been thinking a lot about being alone,
the fine line between solitude and loneliness,
the power of both to pull you down or uplift you –
in all those weeks
I have been feeling both at the same time.

I love to be by myself,
NY can be, has been isolating in normal times –  
I have fallen in love with the city more once I stopped feeling lonely and instead understood that
living in NY means being on my own a lot just like everyone else
surrounded by all the choices and opportunities the city offers.
Being alone is my independence, my balance to the many art events,
gallery openings and decadent dinner parties.
Just that now, there are no more choices.

With quarantine in effect,
I was excited to be working from my apartment for a change.
Grateful to have a routine, lucky for having a job
as opposed to many of my friends in the fashion and restaurant industry.

Preparing food my way is what keeps me balanced in normal times
this daily moment to myself is always special,
it has become my routine over the past year to take a picture of my bowl of food
with my morning coffee or a glass of wine in the evening.
What was I going to do with all those pictures?
I had asked myself this question many times.
Other than a short-lived appearance on my IG stories,
my photo scroll would probably be longer than the NY marathon.
I did not see myself making a cookbook, there are no recipes,
I’m also not a photographer; so, what was my message?

It was Julien who had been following my ‘stories’ for a while
who wrote me on March 16th when the world was turning up-side down.
I would love to make a book of your pictures, he wrote.
He was fascinated by the constant repetition in my pictures.
The Silver Table, the bowl, ‘the personal and raw’, my signature.

What has evolved into a beautiful, creative exchange since then,
not knowing each other, him being isolated in Rotterdam, me in Brooklyn,
started on a random Monday I will never forget.

My meals are my creative outlet where I focus on flavor,
color and texture that goes beyond making something nourishing and delicious;
the part of taking the picture from that moment is equally important to me.
It is often that I create a dish visually in my mind
with the ingredients I have or feel go well together that day, just like choosing my outfit.

While my cooking and preparation of food is very simple,
using mostly not much else other than olive oil, salt and pepper as condiments,
for me ingredients are components of colors and textures
that come into play with the flavors to create a dish.
Too many elements visually confuse me,
using only the minimum of ingredients is what gives me comfort,
making each one shine is what excites me.
This may sound like the opposite to comfort food in a common sense,
but it is the aesthetic process that is equally nurturing my mind.
During quarantine, as we are all cooking more than ever without much choice,
for most of us, preparing food has become a way to compensate for the stress and anxiety.
I did not try any of the recipes which soon became quarantine trends;
instead I focused on my routine to be more constant than ever:
my table, where I create and express myself every day,
the bowl, my companion, embracing my food.

At times the self-imposed constraint felt like an extension of lockdown in my own terms.
While most meals are little celebrations,
random or ordinary,
beautiful to me,
on some days pleasure is also pressure;
forcing myself to be creative, to come up with an interesting dish
to get the best picture,
losing the immediate, spontaneous approach.

Just to remind myself that this isn’t the purpose at all
I get back to my flow,
combining ingredients, creating images that I eat.